are you still at the devil's house?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
