just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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