Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
