# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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