I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
