I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
