maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
