She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
