Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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