Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
