I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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