Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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