You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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