Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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