Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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