You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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