Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
