I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
