My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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