Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The dysfunction is strong in this one.