dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?