Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.