How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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