i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?