too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Come see our sink grown plant.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND