I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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