Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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