You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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