so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons