the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.