I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
