I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
