So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
