Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
