we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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