he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
