the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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