Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
