I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
