sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize