I should be sponsored by Trojan
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
don't judge my taste in strippers
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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