Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now