after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex