If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
