I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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