I want you more than these girls want KFC
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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