I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
should my penis look like a turkey
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
