what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize