Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize