porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize