they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
