I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
