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btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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