Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening