Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.