...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival