his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime