she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD