This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You just missed an honest to god bukkake