she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
