his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
