please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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