Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
