i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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